well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He shit in the fireplace
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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