I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
