Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
