once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Houston, we have a blender
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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