3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
