He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
