sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
