So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
