We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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