i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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