I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
