also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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