hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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