**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
