Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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