Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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