just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
