Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
