Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
