Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
