They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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