he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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