You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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