She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did I show you my penis last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
