Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize