dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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