Do you still have your period?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
