did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
