I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
