All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
