the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
