Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
