Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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