if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is Oprah even human
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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