we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
