Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no you cant smoke seaweed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
