I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so that wasnt chicken after all
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
