Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
