There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
