he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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