I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
