Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
