dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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