dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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