the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
