i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
