I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it glows. i had to have it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
