her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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