hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
