god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
