your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize