she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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