He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
