wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is the high leading the old right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
