I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
