If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
