I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
