I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
