I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
